This quote, by M. Russell Ballard, is a great platform to start our discussion on the virtues of family councils. The reason I am thinking about this today is because last week, I had a chat with a new friend and they spoke about wanting to calm the chaos in their busy home. What a beautiful goal and I am right there with them.
This conversation led me to reflect on my Masters thesis which was titled, "School Reform that Sticks". It was focused on how to implement programs in schools with long term positive outcomes. One the the necessitates for long term success is stakeholder buy-in. This means that all parties involved in the program need to be on board and agree with the system, program or procedure. In a home, the stakeholders are anyone who lives there. This might be a couple with or without kids, room mates, extended family... and the list goes on.
How then, do you get buy-in when you are trying a new system, program, procedure or routine in a home? The answer I believe is Family Councils. They are sometimes known as Family Meetings but I find that the council title is more reflective of their purpose. Whilst there are a variety of different family councils, I would like to focus on the one which involves the whole family.
M. Russell Ballard and myself believe that "councils are the most effective way to get real results...A family council, when conducted with love," will counter the impact of many outside influences which may come into the home such as modern technology and social media. These influences distract families from spending quality time with each other and building fundamental relationships. Family councils also contribute to the buy-in necessary for the implementation of new systems and enable families to run smoother.
Here are my 6 rules to ensure your family council runs smoothly:
EVERYONE ATTENDS: Family councils can be held at anytime that the family can all be together. Schedule a time for your family council. You can hold a family council as often as necessary, be that weekly, fortnightly or monthly. For Family Councils to be effective, they need to be held regularly. Ensure all members of the household can be in attendance. These are worth making time for.
NO TECHNOLOGY: At a family council, all technology is put away, meaning there are no phones or computers etc. I have heard of families having a lock box or a basket for everyone to put their phone in prior to the council meeting. The focus in these meetings needs to be on the home and family and technology is an easy distraction. You want to make the most of the time you have together.
USE AN AGENDA: Use an agenda in your family meeting. We use a very simple pro forma for each family council; attached below. You can tailor your agenda to your specific situation. This not only keeps us on track but it allows all members to know what we are discussing and they can come prepared to contribute to the conversation. Don't overcomplicate it, especially with children of any age. Ours is simple, with just a few reflective questions which prompt discussion. Of course, when there is a specific issue to discuss, my husband and I can focus the discussion to meet the current needs of our family.
TAKE MINUTES: In the council, have a family member take minutes. This is because you will want to do follow up the next meeting and it's important to record the action items of each family member. Follow up is a key for accountability and the chances of completing the goal are greatly increased when individuals are held accountable. This means progress, which then leads to success. Follow up can be done simply at the beginning of the following family council, as a check in to see how everyone went or how everyone is going.
COMPASSIONATE COLLABORATION: The family council, whilst fun and enjoyable is also a formal meeting of sorts, so it's important that respect and courtesy is given to all members throughout the discussion. There may be times when family members disagree and problem solving those disagreements can be a very useful learning experience for all. It is really important for all members to feel like their voice is valid and they will be heard in their family council. The family council is also a good time for children to practice their social skills of listening and negotiation. It is also reflective of other life experiences and family councils can help children to build their resilience.
BE CONSISTENT: For my family, the family council has evolved. You may need to stick with it for a time before you have 'stakeholder' buy-in, simply about the family council. Persistence pays off here.
M. Russell Ballard taught, that "a family council held regularly will help us spot family problems early and nip them in the bud; councils will give each family member a feeling of worth and importance; and most of all they will assist us to be more successful and happy in our precious relationships, within the walls of our homes." These are wonderful goals and outcomes of a successful family council.
If you are regularly holding a family council, what works for you? what are some of your success stories? I'd love to hear from you; home-centred@outlook.com
If you have not yet, embarked on a family council, give it a go! See how it works for you. Following the simple rules of a family council can ensure it is a winning moment not a wasted moment and you will become a stronger family together.
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